You can feel it coming; a storm is brewing. The telltale signs are clear: banging doors, slamming items, and muttered words escalating in volume and harshness, demanding attention.
Whether or not you did something, you’re caught in the path of the storm. Your goal now is to navigate through it and come out unscathed.
I have weathered many such storms and learned that I can’t control how others handle stressful, upsetting moments. What I can control is my own response to ensure I make it through safely.
I learned to be the eye of the storm, finding calm amid the chaos. You can too.
Think of a hurricane and the devastation it leaves behind: objects scattered, damaged structures, mayhem everywhere. I’ve experienced several hurricanes, each varying in intensity and aftermath.
During these hurricanes, there’s a profound moment of utter calm: the eye of the storm. I first witnessed it as a teenager after hours of a hurricane raging. Suddenly, the sky cleared, and the winds became nothing more than a gentle breeze. The sun shone bright, and birds began singing. It was one of the most peaceful moments I have ever experienced. That became the place I wanted to be during any storm.
I’ve faced some personal storms since then. Admittedly, I’ve been the raging storm at times, something I’m not proud of. But this article is about how I’ve learned to stay calm amidst someone else’s emotional turmoil.
So now let’s return to that brewing storm¾banging, crashing, expletives… When I witness someone else raging, I recall the eye of the storm. I visualize blue skies, fluffy white clouds, and feel the warm sunshine on my face. I listen to the birdsong and breathe slowly and deeply.
When I am in that calm space, I can observe the emotional outburst taking place in front of me. I can listen to what they’re saying without emotionally attaching myself to their storm.
Being the eye of the storm allows me to remain peaceful, listening, observing, and looking for ways to de-escalate the situation. I may find what the true catalyst for their hurt and anger is, which helps me ask questions that may bring them back to a clearer state of mind.
Being the eye of the storm allows me to weather it and wait for the storm to pass. Sometimes, that is the best thing any of us can do for ourselves and the other person.
Remember, you don’t have to be a victim of someone else’s emotional tirade. Be the calm, peaceful eye, find the storm’s catalyst, and ask questions that can help the other person de-escalate the situation. The more you practice this, the less you will be swept away by someone else’s behavior.
Steps to Be the Eye of the Storm
1. Visualize Calmness: Picture a serene scene with blue skies, fluffy clouds, and warm sunshine. This helps you stay grounded and calm.
2. Breathe Deeply: Focus on slow, deep breaths to maintain your composure and reduce your own stress levels.
3. Observe Without Reacting: Listen to the person without attaching your emotions to their outburst. Stay detached and objective.
4. Ask Insightful Questions: When the moment is right, ask questions that help the person reflect and calm down. This can shift their focus from anger to thinking more clearly. A good question to ask is, “What do you need from me?”
5. Wait for the Storm to Pass: Sometimes, the best action is inaction. Let the outburst run its course while you remain calm.
However, if you are constantly living in a state of crisis due to someone else’s rage, remember you don’t have to stay. If you don’t feel safe, get out and seek help. If you need assistance, use the following link to find National Crisis Hotlines that can help you: National Crisis Hotlines.
Everyone deserves to live a calm, peaceful life. Be the eye of the storm and navigate toward calm waters.